Love it or hate it, Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” is EVERYWHERE. It’s inspiring parodies galore; my favorite is the Cookie Monster version (“You have cookie. So share it, maybe?”). I personally think it’s a fun little piece of pop fluff with a catchy beat, a funny if not somewhat predictable music video, and it keeps Katy Perry’s “Wide Awake” from assaulting my earlobes for at least 3 minutes. But it also got me thinking about pick up lines, hookups, and the perils and pleasures of dating…after 30.
Let’s face it: Sex and the City is gone. So to, it would seem, are the days where you cou be 30-something and single, and actually enjoy it. Ever since Carrie and Big tied the knot and moved to 5th Avenue, the world has gone right back to thinking that dating is for the barely post-adolescent. Over 30? Get a herd of cats, or die. The world doesn’t care. Have fun eating your prunes while watching reruns of the Golden Girls on Lifetime, loser.
This is distressing to me as I am once again single. And over 30. And…voluptuous. And if the world in general would like to forget that single 30-somethings exist (except in chirpy commercials for sites like Match.Com that reassure you that you won’t die alone…as long as you’re a member), gay men’s culture is even worse. Older women get to be cougars. Meow! What do old gay men get to be? Trolls. Sounds sexy, right? And “old” starts creeping up on you around 25ish. Hit 30, you might as well live under a bridge and wait for some goats to come by. See how I did that? I worked a classic fairy tale into a blog post about “Call Me Maybe.” Pop culture meets literature. I knew that Masters degree would come in handy for something.
It certainly doesn’t come in handy when trying to land a man. In a world that follows around the Kardashians 24 hours a day, intelligence is so three seasons ago. You just need to be young, stupid, and beautiful. Take a look at gay personal ads sometime, or profiles on sites like Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Gay.com, etc. One that I saw recently was posted by a man who is 58 years old, and his age cutoff for a potential partner was 30! So now even men who are too old for me think that I’m too old for them! And I know it seems like I’m being a hypocrite by saying that he is too old for me, but 24 years is kind of a stretch for any lasting connection. And besides, he already said he thinks I’m a troll, so there you go.
Faced with this sort of culture, how does one dip their toes back into the dating pool? And is there even anyone out there swimming, or all they all just staring and drooling around the baby pool? I swear, with this creepy obsession with youth, Chris Hansen better be buying his lemonade at Costco! What I like about “Call Me Maybe” is that, at least for now, it puts a little cheese factor into the potential vulnerability of hitting on someone. You can just give out your number with a few song lyrics, and if you get shot down, so what? It was all in fun, right? You just had a few too many and the song came on (AGAIN) and you thought, “Wouldn’t it be a riot to actually do that?” No big loss. You can just chalk it up to the bad influence of a repetitive pop song and liquid courage. It’s not like you’re going to wait by the phone, hoping they actually call. I mean, no one got their heart broken…right?
So let’s talk pick up lines. What’s the worst one you’ve ever heard? Was there ever one that actually worked? One you thought was actually kind of silly or sweet? Is there one you like to use to get a convo started? I want to hear your thoughts. And in case you need a little inspiration, or just want to listen to the song for the 500th time today, here is the video for “Call Me Maybe”:
Tags: beauty, Call Me Maybe, Carly Rae jepsen, cougar, dating, gay men, Golden Girls, Janessa, Janessa Jaye, Janessa Jaye Champagne, Kardashian, Katy Perry, manhunt, Sex and the City, single, Wide Awake, youth