Escape Claws: Totally Over The Top Nails

Published on May 29, 2013 by   ·   1 Comment

I know at this point you all probably think I’m Queen of Blending’s publicist for as much as I talk about her, but I swear that I’m not!  I just keep finding images and videos that she does that I find inspiring, provocative, thought-provoking, sweet, or just otherwise noteworthy to the world of makeup.  And this post is no different: it’s totally inspired by QoB’s video about her “tacky” nails:

W T actual F, people?!  Look at those monster talons!

Anyone who attends my shows regularly knows that I don’t usually wear fake nails, and anyone who knows me well knows how much I despise them  With all of the changing I have to do, and the limited time I have given that I’m usually hosting and so have to change entire outfits in the span of only one or two songs (somewhere between 3 and 9 minutes, give or take).  Besides the time, there is also the issue of dexterity – of which I have none!  I’m already struggling with jewelry clasps and zippers; put a set of nails on me and my hands become big useless meat mitts.

When I played Sylvia St. Croix for the Fire Hall Theatre Production of RUTHLESS!, the director wanted me to have nails for the show; rather than mess with press-ons every night and ruining my tragic natural nails with all the glue and remover, I figured I would get a set of nail done at a salon.  I thought for sure they would last the 3 week run of the show, and I could practice during the day to get used to the feeling of nails.  “Andy” (probably not his given name) gave me a fabulous set of short, squared off gel nails with nothing but a shiny clear coat (I really wanted to pick the crazy neon pink that I was pretty sure glowed in the dark, but seeing as I wasn’t currently employed at a low rent brothel, I went the more conservative route).  They were thick and sturdy and they weren’t as hard to get used to as I imagined…until I broke one.

Let me preface this by saying that I have never given birth, broken a bone, passed a kidney stone, or any of the other typically horrendous things people reference when they talk about how much something hurts.  Call me crazy, but I like to keep my pain levels to a nice low level, enough to talk my doctor into an occasional prescription to get through heinous but obligatory social events but not enough to greatly impact the quality of my life.  You know what I’m saying.  So basically, I don’t have a lot of hugely painful things to compare it to.  In fact, breaking a fake gel nail is now the standard by which I judge all future pain.

It was during a set change and one of our usual stagehands had the night off, so when moving this small loveseat I ended up pulling it instead of pushing it as I was used to.  The loveseat just barely fit through this opening in the set, and we apparently went in at the wrong angle and it got stuck.  As I was pulling, attempting to get it unstuck and behind the set so the next scene could start, my hand slipped off and the nail on my middle finger bent back so far that it snapped in half.  The pain was immediate and blinding – if my mouth had been open, I know I would have screamed some choice words.  Another actor asked me what was wrong, and I couldn’t even speak…I just held my finger up in front of her as she looked at it in horror, realizing what had happened.

The point of this story?  Fake nails are not my friend.

But even I am being tempted by some of the wacky and fun nail trends that are popping up.

Like the Queen of Blending’s “tacky nails.”  I know they are over-the-top, a little hideous, and way too much – but I LOVE them!  There is something fantastic about that sort of commitment to nail decoration that I just respect, but that is definitely something that Lee isn’t going to have available for you to just press on.  Little 3D elements like stones, bows, spikes, and pearls are becoming more common, but I love seeing examples of people who are going all out and covering their entire nail area with 3D details like the bows on the nails I used as the featured image for this post:

Over the Top Nails

Another nail trend that I’ve been seeing a lot that I think is sort of fun is having one or two nails different from the rest on each hand…or sometimes, having EVERY nail look different!  I think it makes for an interesting play between symmetry and asymmetry, and gives you lots of creative new options for your manicure:

One Different Nail Manicure

Halloween Nails

Watermelon Nails

Although I love the “garnish,” one thing I’m not really digging is the extreme pointy talon look that seems to be popular.  I appreciate the utility and beauty of the square tip or even a more traditional oval – I mean, if you’re gluing spikes and plastic knick knacks onto your hands, it’s not like anyone is going to call you boring! – but the spike nail is just a little too cheap Halloween costume for me, no matter how fabulously you dress it up!

Jeweled Nails

Creepy Nails

So love them or hate them, nails are back in a big way, and the ornamentation is only getting bigger, badder, and more glamorous every day.  Spikes and studs not for you?  You can use the new nail-painting trend to pay an homage to your favorite piece of classic fashion, a perfect blend of old and new!

I heart chanel

Designer Nails

Now Go Forth And Get Painted!

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