As we move toward 2014, we are getting ready to launch some big changes with the World of Champagne, and we decided to give all of you an early holiday present by introducing you to the new mascot for Champagne Dreams Productions: Trixie! Trixie is a magical unicorn who was gifted to Miss Jaye a few years ago by another performer and has shown up a few times at shows (though she doesn’t get out as often as she’d like), and she’s just so darn cute, we thought she’d make a great new “face” for Champagne Dreams Productions!
World of Chamapgne: Welcome Trixie! We’re very excited to have you with us as a part of the World of Champagne family.
Trixie: Thanks, it’s great to be here. Frankly it’s great to be anywhere after getting stuck working that crap donkey show in Tijuana. That place was a hot brick mess!
WoC: Yes, I would imagine so. We understand you’ve lived a rather…colorful life.
T: Yeah, that’s the word for it. Colorful. Let me tell you kid, I’ve seen thing you wouldn’t want to see. Things you can’t forget. But I don’t let it bother me none. I’ve always known I was destined for greatness. That someday, somehow, I was going to be chosen as the mascot for some amazing entertainment company that offers high class, high quality entertainment with glamour and just a little bit of edge. And until that day comes, I’m more than happy to lend my sparkle to this little dog-and-pony show.
WoC: Umm…thank you? Anyway, tell us more about who Trixie is, where she comes from!
T: I come from a magical land where rainbows are always dancing across the sky and everything glitters like diamonds and vampires from terribly written teen romance novels. The rivers run sweet like grape Kool-Aid and the clouds are made of cotton candy.
WoC: That sounds wonderful!
T: Ahh, I’m just kiddin’ you. I’m from Sheboygen. I swear, people and unicorns. What is it with you guys and your magical fantasies of unicorn life? We’re not that different from other horses except for this pointed growth coming out of our skulls. What do you think I am, a fucking Keebler Elf?
WoC: Hardly. Elves are much friendlier and don’t say fuck. And they bring you cookies. But let’s get back to you. I hear you’ve always had a secret dream of being a model. Is that true?
T: Oh Jesus fuck, did Tyra call you? Did she tell you to ask me that? That bitch…anyway, yes, I have always loved the idea of strutting the big runways in Paris and Milan, but apparently fashion designers have something against making couture for four-legged fashionistas. But I almost made it once. Versace was going to use me to model his feature design at a spring show – I swear, if you fed that man enough hooch and rentboys, you could talk him into anything! May he rest in peace…
WoC: What a…lovely story.
T: Yeah, it should have been. It should have ended with me leading a parade of clapping, malnourished tweens down a runway with paparazzi and flowers and blowing Tom Ford after the show. But it didn’t. And you wanna know why? Tyra. Fucking. Banks.
WoC: Tyra Banks stole your job?
T: She sure did. I was just about to lay some ink on the contract when Tyra just happened to come by with a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill and that gay porn star who used to be a Power Ranger. “Just in the neighborhood,” she said. “Just stopping by to see how you’re doing,” she said. “Oh! Paris! I love Paris, darling! You must have room for little old me.” And just like that, Versace gave the job to her. He said she had that horse-y quality he was looking for, and he wouldn’t have to alter the dress for a tail. The nerve.
WoC: That never happened.
T: Are you calling me a liar? Are YOU calling ME a LIAR?! You don’t know me like that bitch! Don’t make me cut you!
WoC: Is there anything…
T: Seriously, I will cut you with a rusty blade.
WoC: I’m sure. Anyway, before we bring this tragically misguided interview to a close, is there anything else you’d like to say to our World of Champagne readers?
T: Yeah, I got somethin’ to say. I’m a star. An honest to goodness star, and I’m ready to go places. As soon as my opportunity comes, I’m going to blow this two-bit operation. I’ve got charisma for days, talent, and besides, I didn’t help John Travolta cover up his gay past so I could spend the rest of my life in North-Fucking-Snowpacalypse-Dakota.
WoC: Wait, what was that about John Travolta?
T: Nothing, you heard NOTHING. Do you understand me?!
WoC: Right, well I wish I could say this has been a pleasure, Trixie, but I would obviously be lying.
T: Yeah, suck it.
WoC: Classy. And with that I’d like to once again introduce you to Trixie, the new face of Champagne Dreams Productions!
T: Hey, you got any E? I could use a pick-me-up…
Editor’s Note: The World of Champagne fact-checkers were unable to verify any of Trixie’s claims about her life history or her relationships with the various celebrities named above. While we would not be surprised to find out that John Travolta associates with magical pink unicorns, we cannot confirm this.
Tags: Champagne Dreams Productions, donkey show, drag performance, drag queen, drag show, drag troupe, entertainment company, face, Janessa, Janessa J, Janessa J Champagne, Janessa Jaye, Janessa Jaye Champagne, John Travolta, Magical Unicorn, mascot, Miss Jaye, Tijuana, Trixie, Trixie the Magical Unicorn, Tyra Banks, Unicorn, Versace