Maybe Not Better Than Sex, But Better Than Any Other Mascara – EVER!

Published on April 5, 2014 by   ·   1 Comment

Always be wary of anything that claims to be “better than sex.”

0000000000000 BTS QuoteBetter Than Sex Cake?  Truly delicious.  But if you think it’s better than sex, well, you must be having the wrong kind of sex.  I mean, I guess the cake could be better than old school Catholic “only for procreation,” missionary position, once-a-month-through-a-hole-in-the-sheet sex.  But if you know what you’re doing, then even that caramel-y goodness doesn’t stand a chance.

Better Than Sex Mascara?  Again, I was skeptical.  And while it definitely didn’t make my toes curl like a well-equipped gentleman caller, it is the only mascara I’ve found that lives up to it’s promises.  In fact, I think it’s the best mascara in the history of, well, ever.

Too Faced isn’t a brand that I use a lot.  I have some of their Shadow Insurance Eye Primer and the Shadow Insurance Glitter Glue, and for a girly pink highlight I do love their Sweethearts Perfect Flush Blush in “Candy Glow,” but they seem to do a lot of limited collections – especially with their shadows.  That’s what turned me off to MAC: if you found something you absolutely loved, well, then you’d better use it sparingly because it’s probably never coming back.  Like their MAC for Playboy lipstick in “Bunny Pink.”  I swear, that was the perfect balance of girly pink with just a touch of blue tone, and I’ve never found anything exactly like it since.  My aunt sent me their The Return of Sexy eyeshadow palette, and the shadows were pretty good, but I’m just lukewarm to “limited edition.”

I honestly don’t know what made me try their Better Than Sex Mascara.  Part of it was that the images on the box were just unbelievable: just below a claim that you would see “1944% More Volume” was a before and after that really made me stop:


See, when I was a kid, I was blonde.  Although my hair darkened over the years, my eyelashes never caught up.  They are super pale and super thin.  Usually mascara doesn’t do anything except make them darker.  I’ve tried a ton of mascaras, from high end brands like Guerlain and Dolce & Gabbana (anything I could get in a sample or deluxe mini!) down to Walmart brands like Revlon, Almay, Cover Girl, and even Wet ‘n Wild!  The only thing that came close to giving me decent lashes was benefit’s They’re Real Mascara (which playfully conflates fake lashes with fake boobs) which I got in a recent Sephora gift.  It gave me pretty decent coverage and a little extra length, but nothing to write home about, and considering that I mostly use mascara to adhere my real lashes to my fake ones, I wasn’t ready to plunk down the full retail price (the full size, .3 oz, rings up at $23).

000000000000 BTS Lashes MainBut those photos on the box of the Too Faced product really intrigued me.  See, I’m a bit scatterbrained, and there has been more than one occasion where I’ve gone onstage without remembering to put lashes on; sometimes, I think I have a pair packed and I don’t.  I had always, way down in my shriveled little black heart, hoped that I would find a mascara that I could use to “beef up” my lashes in just those kinds of situations.  And if the pictures on the box could be believed, this might be it.  And I guess I was possessed of a hopeful spirit that day, because I did what I hadn’t done in years: I paid full price for mascara (the same $23 I wasn’t willing to spend on the benefit!).

For drag queens like me who aren’t performing several times a week, there usually isn’t a reason to spend more than $10 on mascara.  After all, you aren’t going to use it up fast enough to really get your money’s worth and you’re going to cover them up with lashes anyway.  Plus, so many places include deluxe minis or samples in their gifts with purchase, their thank you gifts, and whatnot that you can easily keep yourself in war paint without dishing out any big bucks.  But this just seemed too good to pass up.

And for once, it actually was!

Loving makeup

The first coat went on nice and easy, and I already saw a difference in my lashes.  One coat of the Better Than Sex was about equal to two coats of the They’re Real.  But I certainly didn’t stop with one coat!  I put on three generous coats, and I couldn’t believe the results – I think this product may actually be infused with devil magic.  My 033lashes were long and thick (perhaps a little spider-y, but not Tammy Faye bad) and they were about equivalent to one of my smaller sets of lashes (not my trusty old #101s, of course, but one of the larger pairs made by Revlon for “real” women).  This is the first time I’ve found a product where I honestly felt like if I forgot my fake lashes, I could use this and go out on stage and not worry.  It really is that good!

If you have skinny or pale lashes and you’ve always wanted to have that glamorous look but you struggle with falsies, this is definitely the product for you.  One coat will give you a noticeable change, and you can certainly stop there.  If you are feeling bold, however, you can always add a second or even a scandalous third coat for really oversized lashes!

Not only is this the only mascara over $10 I’ve ever paid full price for – it’s the only mascara over $10 I’ve paid full price for TWICE!  That’s right: I used up my first tube, I loved playing with it so much, and I had to swing through the Fargo Sephora on the way to Wayne, Nebraska to get reinforcements!  Every drag queen should have this in her “tool belt” and women everywhere who want fabulously thick lashes should definitely give it a try.

It may not be better than sex, but it’s better than any other mascara I have ever tried.  And even if you don’t get laid, you’ll still have really fantastic lashes.

Now Go Forth And Get Painted!

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Readers Comments (1)
  1. […] Sealed with a Kiss: VDay Beauty for Even the Bitterest of Hearts Bitter/Sweet Peach Did TooFaced Just Create The Next Naked 3? Pretty In Pink: Celebrating VIB Appreciation Week In My Signature Color (Love Flush Blush) Maybe Not Better Than Sex, But Better Than Any Other Mascara – EVER! […]

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