Comes The Apocalypse: Kat Von D Makes A Good Life Choice, Chaos Ensues

Published on August 4, 2014 by   ·   1 Comment

0000000000 Kat MainBe on the lookout for plagues of locusts and rivers of blood, because I think we may have just seen the first sign of Armageddon: Kat Von D actually made a good life choice.

Up until now, Kat Von D hasn’t really contributed anything really substantial to the world except for taking part in two utterly forgettable TLC reality shows and making most of America think that Jesse James was into transsexuals.*  And maybe confusing some people into thinking Sarah Silverman had a heavily tattooed twin…who was a transsexual.  This Karkov-voiced hoodrat rates pretty high up on my list of worthless celebrity space-wasters, just under the band of feral Wookies known as the Kardashians (no offence, Chewie).  I did get a little glimmer of amusement this winter when she launched a lipstick named “Celebutard” and then didn’t seem to understand why that might be a mistake, tweeting that “It’s just a fucking lipstick” (the tweet was later taken down – you can read more about that little PR mishap HERE).

0000000000 Kat Starry EyesActually, I felt like the hubbub about “Celebutard” was the only mildly interesting thing about Von D’s makeup line; I bought her Starry Eyes palette on clearance in February of 2013 just to give it a try, and I was glad I didn’t pay much for it.  The eyeshadows were chalky, and the glitter shades were especially flakey, and what little bit of glitter did make it onto your eyes was there for approximately 7 minutes.  There were two lip paints, Adora (which wasn’t terrible, but nothing super special) and some nude-ish color that I gave away before I even bothered to learn the name.  As far as I was concerned, the Kat Von D fixture was a blight on the polished face of my local Sephora, taking up valuable space that could have been given to a much more deserving line of gorgeous products.

All of this is meant to set the stage for the shocking discovery I made in the Bismarck Sephora inside JC Penney this past weekend: Kat Von D may have actually done something right.

0000000000 Kat Lipstick CakeSephora was featuring a number of new lip products, and I’ve been itching for some new lip stuff.  When I was a dedicated MAC girl, lipsticks were always one of my favorite splurges, and I still haven’t found a company that offers the range of fabulous shades that MAC does.  With the exception of OCC’s fabulous Lip Tars (with which I am still completely entranced!) and a little flirtation with Too Faced Cosmetics’ Melted liquid lipsticks, most of my recent Sephora purchases have been eye or nail products.  When I saw that Kat Von D had a new lined of lipsticks called Studded Kiss (see the collection at, I almost didn’t even give it a second glance.  And I wouldn’t have, except for Poe.

Ahh, Poe.  Depressed, alcoholic writer in love with his ethereal cousin.  Strange 90s rocker who’s “Angry Johnny” still puts me in the mood for burnt cocktails and drunk sex.  Now I had found a new Poe to fall in love with: a deep navy lipstick with strong pigmentation (nothing worse than a blue lipstick that sheers down until you look like you have hypothermia) and a gorgeous reddish/opal glitter finish that was absolutely stunning in the tube.  To my surprise, it was just as stunning on the back of my hand.

0000000000 Kat Black LipstickThe formula is rich and creamy, and the smell is sort of a sugary vanilla, not that different than the MAC lipsticks I know and love.  The studded tube is cute enough and will help the piece stand out in your makeup bag, and it even has a sort of clever gimmick in that it will only close if the studs on the top and bottom are aligned.  In addition to Poe, my absolute favorite, there are also two stunning red shades: Underage Red, a bright tomato red with just enough of a sheen (and we’re assuming that it’s jailbait-invoking title won’t stir up the same level of controversy as Celebutard), and Hellbent, an amazing mostly matte brick red that is the closest thing I’ve found to the original formula of MAC Viva Glam I in years (back when matte actually meant matte – that old school Viva Glam looked like a brick on your lips, no shine, and it was fucking amazing).  I added Hellbent to my collection immediately, and Poe will definitely be next (as soon as the GF Sephora actually gets some in stock!).  And although I wasn’t able to find any evidence while at Sephora, I’ve seen some pics online of a black lipstick in the collection called Slayer which, if it’s as good at holding its color as Poe, could unseat Lime Crime’s Styletto as the go-to lipstick for those who want a perfectly noir pucker.

I was chatting with the clerk about how amazed I was that I was actually buying another Kat Von D product after how dismal my experience with the palette had been.  The clerk told me that Kat Von D beauty had recently reformulated and all of their colors were now brighter, more pigmented, and had much better staying power.  The swatches she did on her arm were impressive, so there’s hope that Von D might be turning her life around…or at least her beauty line.  I don’t know that she will ever become a staple on my must have list, but at least she has managed to convince me not to hate her face, just on principle, which frees up more of my ire and rage for the Kardashians.  Maybe it’s not the end of the world after all.

If you’d like to check out this new line of lipsticks that have made me a believer, Sephora is having a special event this Saturday, August 9 for you to try them, get tips and tricks, and more.  They have a great little booklet they are giving away with some sample look ideas, too!

Now Go Forth And Get Painted!

* Kat Von D, as far as I know, is not a transsexual.  She just plays one on TV.

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  1. […] ISO a Good Top – Must Last Long And Feel Fabulous! (Alchemy Palette) Comes The Apocalypse: Kat Von D Makes A Good Life Choice, Chaos Ensues […]

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