Skinny People Will Kill You

Published on October 26, 2014 by   ·   No Comments

This post is going to be short, and it’s mostly just a footnote to my earlier posting, Swimming With Sharks.

00000000 Diet 01So I always knew that skinny people could be toxic, always whining about how hard it is to just eat their little salads with the dressing and their lives on the side.  They sometimes act without much forethought, being unnecessarily hurtful and sometimes downright offensive with their “well-intentioned” queries.  But I never really thought that skinny people were out to get me.

Until now.

I’m sure everyone has heard those weight loss commercials – they air in the radio about every 10 seconds.  I’m not even going to name the business who airs this trash, but I’m sure you’ll recognize it.  They are filled with all sorts of fat-shaming dialogue like, “I really let myself go” and “Let’s face it: I was fat.”  Then they suddenly brighten up and talk about how they lost 15 pounds.  15.  Fucking.  Pounds.  That’s what constitutes “really letting yourself go” to these airheads?  Fuck you right in the facehole.

But the latest commercial is absolutely unbelievable.

00000000 Diet 03This one is scripted like a conversation between two friends with all of the usual bullshit about “Oh, I’m so fat” and “It’s so hard to lose weight” and blah blah blah.  The supposed fattie in the scenario asks her newly slimmed down friend if Unnamed Diet Company really works, and the friend answers brightly, “It’s the fastest thing I’ve found since ephedrine was legal!”

Let that sink in for a moment.

I may have been a little off in the paraphrasing of the quote, but the meaning is right there: this stuff supposedly works as quickly as this other stuff…which is now illegal.  Because it probably killed people.

People make stupid decisions because they want to lose weight, mainly because of the fat-shaming culture we live in that’s filled with moronic radio commercials like this one.  Remember Fen-Phen?  That was another diet solution that gave people fantastic results…as long as they didn’t drop dead.  Although, if you drop dead, that’s one way to start losing a whole bunch of weight.  Want to really up that calorie burn?  Have yourself cremated!

00000000 Diet PerfectIf you want to make choices that increase your general health and lead to a better quality of life, I have no problem with that.  But if you’re buying into some fad diet because a commercial is offering you a product that they are comparing to an illegal and potentially dangerous drug, then maybe you need to think about your life choices.   Because those product pushers do NOT have your best interests at heart – they have their bottom lines.  And if getting you onto some yo-yo diet program will help them earn a buck, they don’t really care about your quality of life, long term.

Skinny people will kill you and are not to be trusted.  This is a public service announcement from a fat diva who would much rather drop dead over a silky New York cheesecake than a package of some huckster’s pills and powders any day.

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