GUEST POST: Mistress Didi Presents “Rules For Clear Communication”

Published on November 9, 2014 by   ·   No Comments

At the World of Champagne, we love to bring you new content that is engaging, interesting, edgy, and with a purpose, and we are super excited to be bringing you a fabulous new guest post: Mistress Didi, a Lifestyle Domme who operates her own website which includes an advice column for those looking to explore dominance and submission, has provided us with one of her very insightful posts.  This post, Rules for Clear Communication, is written for those interested in the Lifestyle, but her perspective is quite useful for any relationship.  It seemed a perfect fit for our Champagne for the Soul section, our department for personal growth and development as well as tarot talk and new age philosophy.  Dominance and submission is a Lifestyle practice that involves the intimate exchange of energy, and is an unique perspective for those looking to explore issues of power, exchange, and communication.

Without further ado, the World of Champagne is please to present Mistress Didi’s…

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

01 Communication SpectrumFirst and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

01 CalmMost of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive. But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

This post was adapted with permission from an article by Mistress Didi.  Who is Mistress Didi?  I’m glad you asked!  In addition to the bio below, you can find out more about her at AskMistressDidi.com:

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has  explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7  relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips)  and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an  extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, The Mistress Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator,  Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified  Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute  of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest  to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive  understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, The Mistress Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is  self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can  be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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