It’s been a while, so I decided to do another “Thin Line” blog post, this time about summer! As August has set in, school days are getting closer and closer, and we’re trying to squeeze out every last drop of summer that we can, I decided to compile a list of things about this sunny season that I love and hate. If you came looking for an intense political discussion or some deep, head-scratchin’ gender theory, well, then I’m afraid you’re about to be disappointed. Nothing but fluff from here on out. Deconstructed fluff, but fluff nonetheless. So come along for the ride, and if there is anything you love or hate about summer that I left out, be sure to leave it in the comments section.
HATE: The Heat
Let’s just get this out of the way right away: I am a large person, and large people do not mix well with extreme heat. It’s just not pleasant. I’m a delicate fucking flower, and the last thing I need is to be percolating in my own sweat. Some people can’t wait for the mercury to break the top of the thermometer, but any higher than 80 and I’m hiding in my house, cursing at my little window AC unit. I live in North Dakota precisely so I can avoid most of the heat. I swear this place is either 30 below or just this side of Hell. Are these really the only two options?!
LOVE: More Sunshine!
This is not a contradiction! Things can be sunny and bright without needing to be sweltering. Sunny and 70? Dreamy! There is nothing worse than going to work in the winter when it’s dark, work a full day, and come outside only to find that it’s dark again. Though I avoid the heat, I do like it when there is a little bit of sunshine left in the day when I’m done working.
Getting more vitamin D from sunshine can also be a great thing for people with depression and mood disorders, so even if you are like me and cuddle up next to the air-conditioning, you can still benefit from all of those extra rays, brightening up mentally as well as physically.
LOVE: Farmer’s Market
After a seemingly endless winter picking up fruits and veggies at the grocery store or in the produce sections of Wal-Mart or Target, who wouldn’t love a chance to walk around downtown in all of that lovely sunshine (see previous entry) and pick up fresh, local produce that is delicious and much more flavorful than most of the stuff you’ll find at the big chains. In addition to the produce, there are arts and crafts (who doesn’t love a good shopportunity?!) as well as live entertainment – musicians, dancers, and other artists. If you haven’t tasted Jenn’s Italian Herb and Cheese Bread from Jenn’s Breads (out of Fargo), then you haven’t lived. Seriously. Get on that shit.
HATE: “Lake People”
“Are you going to the lake this weekend?” “We spent all weekend out at the lake!” First of all, the lake isn’t one place. They don’t call Minnesota “The Land of 1000 Lakes” for nothin’. But people talk about this vague, mystical place called the lake like it’s fucking Shangri-La. Going there, they would have you believe, is an utterly transformative experience and the thought of it makes one lose all memory of social obligations of propriety.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to plan events in the summer? People always say they’re free, but then they don’t show and when you ask them about it later, they just giggle out of their stupid, sunburned mouths and say, “Oh! I must have forgotten – I was at the lake all weekend!” Fuck you, lake people. May your skin tan and brown until you look like an old Coach handbag – one that has NOT been properly cared for.
HATE: Whatever Happened To Summer School?
Ugh. Children everywhere. Isn’t there a boarding school or a kennel you could put them in until it’s time for fall classes to begin so the rest of us don’t have to deal with them? During the school year, if you need to run errands you can usually do so without huge swarms of children interrupting your activities. You can go during the school day and be pretty much guaranteed a child-free experience, but even later times are going to be light on the hooligans because of homework and after school activities. But in the summer? They travel in packs and think they are the center of the universe.
LOVE: Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
“And all of this time, we could have been friends…”
Best. Beach movie. Ever.
LOVE: Rummage Sales
Why keep your old junk, when you can drive around, creep in people’s garages, and take home their old junk?! You never know what kind of weird shit you’re going to find. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure: you might find the perfect gently used item to complete your decorating scheme, or a vintage collectible worthy of the Antiques Roadshow. Of course it can go the other way as well: you get to see all of the truly awful, hideous, tasteless things people have bought; that they think they can offload it to some other poor schmuck is funny. The fact that more often than not, they’re right is hilarious.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE: Lemonade
Especially flavored lemonades! I don’t know why these can’t be just as fabulous the rest of the year (I’ve tried to bring them back at other times, but it never goes well). Lemonade is so delicious and refreshing, the perfect complement of sweet and sour. And when you add other fruit or berries? Divine! I wish I could remember where I had it, but I remember ordering a blackberry lemonade somewhere, and they actually mushed up the blackberries with a mortar and pestle – it was the best lemonade I’ve ever had! I’m sure the waitress and/or bartender hated me, because I must have drunk 6 of them!
Cooking with fire – what could go wrong? I love the idea of barbeques, and I love barbeque sauce, but I’ve never mastered the art of the grill. No matter what I use or how long I marinate, the meat always get dry and chewy. I dream of finding a man who is the ultimate grillmaster to cook me delicious, juicy meats over an open flame. I’m currently dating a vegetarian, so clearly I’m right on track in this endeavor. FML.
LOVE: Summer Anthems
In theory, I love the idea of a frothy, frivolous pop jam that’s danceable and gives you a soundtrack for your warm weather adventures. Something that captures the joy and stupidity of youth, touched by a little bit of nostalgia for those of us old enough to vote and buy porn. Ideally, they should be around for the summer, and then fade away like the season itself. Next year, a new equally awesome and disposable auditory confection will take its place. Except that sometimes they linger; sometimes, they come back. Like…
HATE: Summer Girls by LFO
Kill it! Kill it with FIRE!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this brief break from the generally more serious tone of my blog. If not, come back soon and I’m sure I’ll get all boring and academic up in your business soon enough. But for now, the AC is on, the lemonade is cooling in the fridge (with Iced Tea Vodka in it, of course), and my waterproof makeup is on fleek while I enjoy some fluffy, frothy summer jams.
After all, ’tis the season.
Tags: AC, Air Conditioning, Airconditioning, Beach Blanket Bingo, Beach Movie, Farmer's Market, Heatwave, Janessa, Janessa J, Janessa J Champagne, Janessa Jaye, Janessa Jaye Champagne, LFO, Love and Hate, Love Hate, Love Vs. Hate, Love/Hate, Miss Jaye, Psycho Beach party, Rummage Sales, School's Out, Summer, Summer Girls, Summer School, Summer Season, Summertime, Thin Line, Thin Line Between Love and Hate, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, World of Champagne