For The Record: No. Nope. Not Even A Little.

Published on January 10, 2017 by   ·   1 Comment

Because of my reputation as a makeup hound and perhaps an aficionado of diverse makeup brands, I often get messages from people asking me if I’ve tried certain brands or products, or if I’ve ever considered doing a review of this brand that they’re wondering about.  Most of the time I can give them at least a couple of thoughts (I’ve tried a lot of brands that I haven’t reviewed on here, or some of the reviews are buried deep down in the archives) or it will pique my interest to go and check them out.

But there is one that I have never and will never write about outside of this one post:  Kylie Cosmetics.

First of all, let’s just absorb the absolute stupidity of this vapid fame-whore:

“Just realizing stuff…” Perhaps it’s time to realize that you have no discernible value to this planet or its inhabitants.

I’ve had some people ask me what I think of Kylie Cosmetics, and I tell them that I thought they were better when they were $6 each and were called ColourPop.  In case you haven’t heard, and aren’t obsessed with Stephanie Nicole the way I am, ColourPop and Kylie Cosmetics both have connections to Spatz Labs, a laboratory and “brand incubator” that manufactures cosmetics products.  ColourPop has apparently made statements that they do all of their formulations in house, but there are lots of connections to Spatz, and when Stephanie Nicole researched the ingredients in the formulas, they are basically the same…and what’s different is that ColourPop, the cheaper product, actually has more preservatives and other ingredients.  Here’s the whole review:

I am just done – D.O.N.E. – with that whole tribe of feral wookies and their desperate grabs to keep the public’s attention and I won’t review her products or talk about her outside of this post.   I started the Makeup Forum because I love cosmetics: I think they are fun and creative, and sometimes, yes, they can be provocative and controversial.  I certainly won’t shy away from brands that stir up the shit: I’ve done in depth articles about both Jeffree Star and Lime Crime, both brands that I still purchase from.  Are there perfect people behind those brands?  Absolutely not.  But what I see from them is a mixture of positive and negative, like most humans, and I see progress from where they started and where they are now.  And at the end of the day, their products still inspire me.

Kylie is none of those things.  She’s got the trumped up self-importance of a Kardashian with even less talent and creativity (who knew that was even possible) and only half the butt implants of her famous older half-sister.  Her products are boring, and usually the most interesting things about her brand are the images that she clearly steals from other artists.

Kylie 01Looks strangely similar, no?  Except that the stolen image is a jank copy – the gold looks dirty, those nails are ratchet AF, and the lip ombre (which is actually very much a copy of a different image by Vlada) looks oddly unbalanced beneath the hands.  So not only is she copying, but her team is copying poorly.  It’s like taking someone’s homework, copying it, and managing to get a worse grade.  Here’s another Vlada image that looks suspiciously like Kylie’s Lip Kit logo:

Kylie 02It’s that disgusting sense of entitlement with no creditable skills or original ideas that makes me loathe her and all that she stands for.  And yet people are stupid enough to keep throwing money at her.  When I saw this video about the “rules” for visiting her pop up shop in LA, I was so disgusted.  I guess if you’re willing to stand in line for 10 hours like an asshat, you deserve to get swindled out of your money!

And not being allowed to know the prices until after your card is swiped?  Besides being really stupid, isn’t that sort of illegal?  I would think that some consumer action group would have something to say about that, but maybe they’re all just stuck at home waiting for new episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, or that new show that’s coming out about Fat Rob and the Stripper.

I keep running across video after video about people who’ve “met” Kylie Jenner (more often it just means they attended some sort of Kylie event) and had terrible experiences.  Here’s one that I found while I was researching Jeffree Star’s Lip Ammunition Lipstick:

This is just one example, but almost all of the videos have common elements: Kylie shows up hours late (if at all) and is in a separate gated area, refusing to interact with fans who have paid hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars to attend.  Obviously some blame has to go to the morons who are still shelling out money for this rank piece of flesh garbage, but I already hate most of humanity, so right now it’s easier to focus in on the source.

And just in case you haven’t already gotten on the Hater Train and drunk up an ice cold glass of Hater-ade, here’s another video with numerous examples of Kylie acting as like a rancid twat waffle:

Say what you will about Doe Deere from Lime Crime and Jeffree Star, but at least those two are working hard to develop and grow their brands rather than buy up cheap formulas and jacking the price up to have their name on it.  Jeffree Star has been criticized for sometimes being rough with rowdy fans at venues like the Vans Warpt tour, but there have also been videos posted on YouTube of enormous lines waiting to meet and take photos with the cosmetics mogul.  He’s seen chatting and laughing with the fans, signing autographs, and actually interacting with the young people who spent hard-earned money (sometimes their own, but often their parents) on these events.

So to make a long story short (too late), no I will not be purchasing any products from Kylie Cosmetics; even if I received some as a gift (and let’s be real, that would be a terrible gift!) I won’t waste the energy it requires to type to spend any more time talking about this human cesspool.  I have nothing but contempt for the whole Kardashian-Jenner brood and their obsession with money and attention.  They are the endpoint and cautionary tale of what happens when you remove anything good and altruistic from your lives and focus only and unstoppably on accumulating and acquiring, on greed and vanity.  And as much as I love the lurid details of a good cautionary tale, I have to get off this train of depravity before it takes me even lower than where I would go on my own personal wanderings.

If this post makes you uncomfortable, don’t worry – I’m sure there are still enough fuckwits in the world willing to throw their money at this talentless reject that she’ll be able to make a living, and we’ll go back to colorful happy posts about makeup and fun things soon enough!  I just wanted to take a hot second to put it on record how this site feels about reviewing products from Kylie Cosmetics.

To sum up: No. Never. Absolutely Not. I can’t. I won’t. I’m done.

Now Go Forth & Get Painted!

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Readers Comments (1)
  1. Lori Pesch says:

    Would never, ever, purchase anything the KarTRASHians are involved with. Never. Ever.





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