The Fuckery Continues, or Why Are All Those Mermaids Crying?!

Published on March 20, 2018 by   ·   1 Comment

I just…I don’t even know what to say about the Too Faced Life Is A Festival Collection.

I already gave you my review on the Life Is A Festival palette, and though I came to savage the shit out of it I actually found it to be one of the best duochrome shadows releases in recent memory.  Lesson learned.  But since I loved it so much, I decided to give the benefit of the doubt to a few more of the products and see how they performed.

Before we get to the products themselves, let me just spend a moment talking about what a clusterfuck this collection is, concept-wise.  The collection is called Life Is A Festival, referring to the summer music festivals like Burning Man and Coachella that are super popular among the Too Faced target demographics.  And I get that rainbows and unicorns are sort of similar to the brightly colored, artistic makeup vibe of these festivals.  But this collection doesn’t feel like a music festival, it feels like an orgy of childlike pastel packaging…and a chance for Jerrod bland-as-fuck Blandino to once again practice self-congratulatory mental masturbation around his delusion that he created unicorns.  After the pettiness of the Chocolate Gold palette, this seems like just a sad shot back at the controversy around the tarte tweets.  Remember that?  Yeah, me too.  Sad.

We get it: you created the Unicorn Tears duochrome cream lipstick, and it was fantastic.  But how long are you going to ride on that one product?  After all, Too Faced released a Melted Latex version of the shade – and it was terrible!  Instead of laying low, Too Faced decided to re-release that lipstick with collection packaging, plus a “lip topper” (more on that below) and a bronzer with same name.  At least the lip topper is pretending to be the same shade in a new formula…but a bronzer?!  Just because you plop a pressed pigment unicorn in the middle of a bronzer doesn’t mean this ploy to snatch cash is any less desperate or sad.  Plus there’s that big pan of Unicorn Tears shadow/highlight in the palette.  Plus a liquid highlighter called Bottle of Unicorn Tears.  Thirsty much, Too Faced?

Now that I’ve gotten the petty out of my system, let’s talk about what I picked up.

Festival 01
Ulta was having a gift with purchase while I was in Bismarck for the last Dakota Divas show, so I picked up the Mermaid Tears Mystical Effects La Creme lipstick and Magic Crystal Mystical Effects Lip Topper and got that cute little rainbow clutch with  sample size Better Than Sex mascara and Shadow Insurance eye primer.  I thought the bag was so cute that on the way back home through Fargo, I picked up the lipstick and lip topper in Fairy Tears and got a second bag (look for that in a future giveaway!).

Festival 02
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t more than a little disappointed that this didn’t have a stronger green finish.  The lipsticks are meant to look one way in the tube and then transform on the lips, and it does have some green shimmer, but it looks much more purple at the base than green and it has a strong pink shift.  The gloss is much more green, but it’s pretty sheer so you don’t really get that much payoff.  They are pretty, and I really do love the La Creme lipstick formula, but I just wanted a stronger mermaid statement.  I’ll get over it, but it’s a disappointment.  The lipstick is sort of an odd shade when applied, and it’s not a full coverage color, so if you don’t want your natural lip color to show through you’ll want to layer this over another lipstick or a lip paint.

Festival 03
Fairy Tears is definitely better, but it’s still pretty sheer.  The yellow lipstick transforms to a bright petal pink that is really gorgeous in person!  I love this color!  The gloss stays yellow gold, but it has a very strong pink shift and they layer beautifully.  Fairy Tears and Angel Tears aren’t exactly the same shade, but I think they are close enough that unless you really like this formula or this sparkly, duochrome sort of finish, you probably don’t need both of them.  Angel Tears is more of a champagne pearl pink where this one is more of a petal bubblegum kind of pink.  Both lovely, but not necessary.  I wasn’t interested enough to pick up either the Unicorn Tears or the Angel Tears lip toppers.

Now, let’s talk about the egregious use of the term “lip topper” here.  Lip toppers are actually a thing: think Lime Crime’s Diamond Crushers or Kat Von D’s Everlasting Glimmer Veil.  They are a sheer or semi sheer lip product, often packed with glitter or sparkle, that paints over a lip color and dries, transforming the look.  These are lip glosses.  There is nothing about these that makes them at all different from a lip gloss.  In fact, it feels like the exact same formula as the gift with purchase gloss they released with the Peanut Butter and Honey palette.  These are glosses.  Like matte, lip topper actually means something and it’s annoying to see a cosmetics company (especially one with such a spotty record for quality control) mislabel products to try to cash in on a trend.

Rant over.

Festival 05
Last, I decided that I wanted to try the Festival Refresh Mystical Effects Setting and Refreshing Spray.  Too Faced does my favorite setting sprays in the world (the Peach Mist spray from the Peaches and Cream collection is my ride or die, and the Hangover Rx is a close second!) and even though I was a little leery of the glittery look, I smelled that candy smell and I was intoxicated.  I had to buy it!

Festival 06
The smell is absolutely wonderful – if I were one of those stupid teenagers who eats Tide Pods, I would wash it down with this delicious-smelling cocktail.  Unfortunately, my mom had crackerjack parenting skills and wisely instructed me not to eat fucking laundry detergent, so I’ll just have to imagine what a treat this would have been.  It’s sort of a sugary, citrus candy smell.  It’s hard to describe, but it’s even better smelling than the peach spray (which I never thought would be possible!).

What I’m not as crazy about is the glittery effect.  As you can see in this short video, there is a LOT of sparkle swirling around in this bottle:

(Ironic, isn’t it, that I happened to have “Praying” on in the background while I filmed that clip…and yet Angel Tears was the shade I didn’t review!)

When I spray it on, the sensation is just as good as the peach spray, and I love the cooling sensation.  It dries down without feeling heavy or sticky, and I’ve layered it on several times without feeling like I was sealing my face with hairspray (which I have done dozens of times – I’m a drag queen after all!).  The problem is that the glittery particles give you sort of an all over face highlight.  But because you’re just spraying it all over your face, the highlight isn’t targeted and doesn’t help shape your face.  It glows from every single angle and in the not natural light in my office at nighttime, it just make me look sort of sweaty…but a holographic kind of sweaty, so there’s that.  I would definitely wear this on it’s own, especially around the house, but I doubt I would chance my show makeup with this glimmery mess.  All of that work might get ruined by too much shimmer and shine!

Like so much that Too Faced has put out the last couple of years, this collection is super inconsistent.  Jerrod, listen to Miss Jaye for a sec: focus on creating coherent collections of products with consistent quality, and you’ll win back all of the once diehard fans like me that have started to wander.

Oh, and stop making your foundations so fucking yellow.

What do you think: is this collection on fire like Burning Man, or has the Coachella left the station on this random mess?  Are you picking up any of these pieces?  What about the other pieces in the collection we didn’t review like the rainbow highlighter (3 years too late, IMHO) or that arguably very cute “strobing” brush?  Let us know in the comments what you’re loving – or hating!

Now Go Forth & Get Painted!

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Readers Comments (1)
  1. Alian says:

    Thanks AmdI feel the same as Col

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